Random thoughts

I kept thinking today about why people don't just say what they feel. Would we be better off if we simply communicated to others what we felt at all times? Specifically when it comes to matters of the heart. Would there be less people out there suffering? would there be less pain out in the abyss if we all just took an oath to tell the truth - even if we ran the risk of getting hurt? I mean really, what's so bad about being open with your thoughts? If what they say about keeping things bottled up inside is true, than why do most people continue to do it - including myself. If by concealing our desires and thoughts we isolate ourselves and alienate those that care about us the most, why do we continue to do it? Maybe because living in denial is easier than actually facing our fear and dealing with reality. By locking ourselves away in this fantasy world where everything is exactly as we picture it, we limit our potential for lasting happiness.  And I don't know about you, but I intend to be utterly and insanely happy. 

Maybe it's the fear of rejection, loss, or embarrassment — I don't know. Maybe it has to do with pride. Maybe for some, the issue is fear of forming attachments with others. I know that for me it's about the possibility of letting someone get so close to me that they have the potential to hurt me emotionally. I am terrified of letting someone in completely and I don't really know why. But it's a catch 22 in the sense that I want to be completely open and emotionally naked with someone and I long for an honest connection that is real. But at the same time i'm scared. I've never been hurt or heartbroken. It's not like I'm "jaded" or ever been damaged by Love, and that's why I dont' really understand where this fear stems from. Whatever the reason maybe, I do know one thing for sure, keeping things bottled up is not healthy. It will eat you alive if you let it. It is crippling and it has the possibility of controlling all aspects of your life. Now, im no expert on living a healthy lifestyle. God knows I'm as damaged as the next person, but from now on I'm going to try and be honest with myself. I'm going to be honest with others about how I feel. Nothing will be off limits. Even of i'm uncomfortable or put off by a certain topic, i'm going to try to get past it and share my world with others. I have learned that covering things up with denial is not going to make it go away, you have to work through things. Lots of people make the mistake of trying to forget about the things that scare them and choose not to confront them, and i'm no exception, but as scary as things may be, what's more terrifying is going through life not figuring out why you're scared. Maybe this will be a good thing. We will see.