lately
Ive been feeling disconnected.
Di connected from my soul - from myself. Usually
I'm very grounded in the various elements that make me who i am. I've become accustomed to understanding myself completely and lately that
hasn't been the case. and i recognize that at times ( given certain situations) its normal to feel withdrawn. But
somehow i think that may not be the case. I love who i am and i look forward to the personal and professional
successes that
I'll experience as i grow older and wiser - and even more thrilling is the prospect of the connections that
I'll make and the people
I'll meet; but it feels like there is this void inside of me and i cant pin point the reason for it. At times i feel so lucky for the life that
Ive lived so far and the
privileges that growing up in the USA has
afforded me. but somehow it
isn't enough. somewhere i once read that there are two great adventures in life; the first is to get what you want and the second to enjoy it - only the wisest of men achieve the second. I cant help but feel that Ive
somehow forgot to enjoy what i want. when i set my mind to something its as good as done. and given all these accomplishments and experiences i still want more -
I'm not happy with it ( i can always do better).
I'm caught at a crossroads with no map or direction. i know where
I'm going - or at least where i want to go. but the path is clouded with doubt and uncertainties. Why does it, all of a sudden, seem so hard? maybe im just to demanding of myself. I cant tell exctly and it appears to me that i may never come to know why. sometiems i wish i could escape to a small villa in the middle of nowhere with a vast open space where i wont have to feel so costrained and where i can run free - free from the chains that bind us to our day to day routines. I want to run free and feel the grass brush against my naked feet. maybe I wasnt meant to be the person that ive come to understand so well. Maybe I am now coming to realize that im better suited in a place where I can read as often as my mind asks of me and write untill I tire of the words. I have a longing to make a contribution to the world and I want to be relevant - I want to matter and be loved. I want my life to be about a connection to the world and its people.
